reflection day

So Yeah, It is a beautiful Saturday and what am I doing? I am trying to find decently priced hotels n the highlands of Scotland near or overlooking Loch Ness. I would like to be near a city and I don't want a B&B because we don't want to worry about waking people up if we get in too late. Doing this research (which I do often BTW) relaxes me and makes me very happy. I feel such a kinship to Scotland. I just know that somewhere in my heritage, I came from there. Part of me really wants to get that test done where you swab your mouth and they can tell you all the percentages of areas you come from. I want to but I am terrified at the same time. I am afraid I will find out that I have no relationship to Scotland and that would just break my heart. I don't know where I got the love of that country but it has stuck with me for many years. I study the history, the animals, the food and the maps. I love the rugged land and the beautiful untamed nature. I long to live there. I just feel like I belong there. Have you ever felt that way about a place? Like it is just in your blood? I want to learn to speak Gaelic but no one around here knows it.

I remember when we went for our honeymoon, I was literally bouncing up and down in my seat on the plane as soon as I saw Scotland. We hadn't even landed yet and I couldn't contain my joy. I wanted to see it all. I had no trouble driving there and found it relaxing and fun. I felt home. Perhaps I just long to know my own history. I love my parents and they will always be my parents but I want to know where I come from. I want to meet my mother at least once in my life and to find out if I have any siblings. I have found ways to find them but I cannot afford the fees such agencys require. My parents were offered my original birth certificate to give me when I was older but they declined it. I wish they hadn't.

So today I sit in my house with my 3 cats and dream of vacations that I will probably never take and places I will never live and people I will never meet. I guess today is a day for relection.

I remember when Jason and I first discussed our honeymoon and where to go, he didn't seem to appreciate the idea of Scotland. He wanted to go to Vegas. I was giving in and he decided since it meant that much to me, we would go to Scotland. Now he loves it too. I don't see how anyone couldn't love that country.

Ok, so I know you are bored by reading this but I did have a final topic to discuss today. The suicides of several gay teens really bothers me. I do not understand the harrassment these kids have to deal with. I don't understand the world. I do not understand why we can't just accept others. It doesn't mean we have to like what they do (not that I have ANY problems with it) but we must accept each other as human beings. None of us are any better than the rest and all should be treated equally. The thought that just because a teen is gay should cause them such hopelessness that they would kill themselves makes me incredibly sad. One life lost is too many. If anyone is reading this blog, which I honestly don't know if anyone is, that is the one thing I want you to take from it. Hatred is a disease and it is infectious. Just as hatred is infectious so is love. Pass on the message of love to everyone you meet. You just may save a life, make a friend or become a role model and if any of those fail to convince you, think about this; you will also make yourself feel better. When you smile at someone, you can change their life, and yours, for the better. Never be afraid of someone different and always strive to love.