Back to God

I have been thinking about religion a lot lately. I challenge myself to think always and so I have been thinking about how I have ended up with the views I do. I was raised in a Methodist family and was forced to go to church on Sundays then I was sent to a Catholic school where we had daily mass and religion classes. During the summer I went to Quaker camp. Of these three I felt most comfortable with the Quakers because my religion is more nature based. When I was in high school, I finally told my father to shove it and quit going to church with him.

This began several years where I refused to have any part of God (except of course when things got bad and then I would pray). I did some things I am not proud of and I ended up in jail for 62 days. During this time, I wanted a better relationship with God but I didn't know how to go about it. I just read the bible. When I got out, my husband at the time took me to church with him. It was the first time I had been in church in close to 7 years. I considered myself to be agnostic and was terrified. What did they decide to do about it? They handed me a bible and told me to read a passage aloud and preach what it meant. Well, that's a horrible thing to do to someone who is terrified and trying to find their way back to God. In addition to this, I go to two family funerals where the minister instead of talking about the deceased, preaches about how so many are going to hell. I felt like he was talking to me.

Maybe I should open myself up for criticism at this point and tell you my beliefs. I do not believe in hell. I believe people create their own by the way they live their lives. I do not believe that the bible is the absolute word of God. It is inspired by him. It was written by men and men are fallible. Therefore, I choose the parts that make the most sense to me. I believe in creation and in evolution. We don't know how long 7 days is to God. We are created in his image, but we don't know what he looks like. Actually by "created in his image" I believe it means our soul and our capacity for thought and compassion. I believe Jesus was a good man and had good teachings which I follow but I do not know nor care if he was the son of God. The Holy Trinity will always confuse me. I am not sure I believe in heaven. I do believe that some spirits live on and look out for us. I do believe in angels. Okay, that's enough of that for now.

So with all these thoughts and after my divorce, I decided to give religion another try. I go to Sunday school and church where my father does and again am not comfortable. I discover I have a problem with Jesus worship. We are supposed to worship God, not Jesus. I decide to take a world religions course and discover I relate most with Buddist, Taoist, Pagan and Wiccan views. I still am Christian kind of but I can't find somewhere I belong. I become angry at the slightest mention of Christ because I can't find a home in him.

Enter my second husband. He tells me he wanted to be a minister when he was younger. Oh no! I think. This is just bad. Somehow we get past it and he lets me have my own views. I meet a woman who gives me a color reading and she tells me that I would have made a wonderful minister. I let that soak in. Jason talks to me about God in a way that is not belittling and takes me to meet his minister. The church he (and now I) go to is accepting of all. They ask that you come as yourself to church. I have become an every Sunday church goer. I can't tell you what this means to me.

I have discovered that MY problem with Christianity was the Christians I was meeting. Jesus loved everyone. Yet I have been hated because I had my own beliefs. I do not think it matters who you love, only that you love. I do not think it matters what you call God. I think we all worship the same God and call him by different names. I believe he loves us all. So with all this said, I just wanted to throw out a small bit of wisdom to the type of Christians who condemn people like me. If you want to convert people, kindness works much better than hatred. People will always be more interested in hearing your beliefs if you talk to them instead of preach at them. Most of all, love everyone. It is for God to judge, not you or me.

I am excited about religion in a way that I haven't been since I was a child. I want to learn. I want to begin reading the bible again. I want the love of Christ to fill me up and I want to share it with others. This transformation was wrought solely by the acceptance of a wonderful church and it's accepting congregation. If you have not found your beliefs, do not give up hope. You will find your path eventually. I can not say this change will last forever, but for now, I am happy. I have found my faith again.

television networks suck

Why do television networks take risks on TV shows that are unlike anything else out there and then they refuse to promote it at all, they put it at a time slot that no one will watch it and then cancel it blaming the show for lack of support? I realize that was a massive run on sentence but I'm pissed. My favorite show, Legend of the Seeker has been canceled. They put it on in the middle of the night and never promoted it. Don't networks realize that if you put something on at a decent time and promote it, you will have fans?

Die hard fans who will stick with you through it all, think Buffy. There are so many shows that are exactly like everything else out there that it is disappointing. I loved the fact that there was something different on TV for a change.

I am one of those people who only likes shows with good characters. People who care about others and try to help. Kahlan, Richard and Zedd were like that. Cara too, though she would kick your ass for saying she cared. They all put their lives on the line every show for other people. They have risked death countless times in order to save one person. Kahlan and Richard are deeply in love and have had three chances to be together forever but each time they give up that chance to help someone else. They are the type of people we want as role models for our children and the next generation.

So instead of keeping wonderful role models and strong, independent women, we will cancel that for yet another reality show. Sometimes you really have to wonder what the fuck people are thinking. Too many people only care about lining their pockets instead of doing what is right and being a role model.

I am pissed as you can tell and will get off my soap box now, but just think about it. What is popular on TV is showing the next generation what is important to us. What message do you want your kids to have?

May 16, 2010

Well, we decided to stay a couple of extra days down at the beach so we can try to relax a little more. The weather is gorgeous. I asked Jason to take out the trash two days ago so of course this morning I had to do it. I'm glad I did though because there was the cutest little frog on the trashcan just hanging out and trying to blend in.

Some vacation: my aunt here for two days, cold weather for a couple days, sick for the rest of week and now Jason's mom might have cancer. I really don't know how to process that. I have offered to go up and stay with her for a little while. She has several tumors and there is a 90 percent chance they are cancerous. I figure if she needs chemo, she will need some help and since my classes are online, I am the best choice to help out.

I think I would love to sail out to sea and just be out of sight of land and watch the stars all night. I think that sometimes I would be happy to never speak to anyone again. I feel this way when my battery has run too low. It makes me want to run and hide out. My depression is kicking in I guess. Time for some random questions to think about...if anyone is reading this that is. I like to think of weird questions and ask other people just to see what they say. Ready, here goes...

Why when you are watching Time Warner Cable tv, do you see ads for Time Warner Cable? You already have their network, why do you need a commercial telling you to switch to it? Ready for another?

Why when you are with friends and you smell or taste something truly fucking awful, is your first reaction to hand it to them and say "this is awful, smell it" or "taste it"? And then since we all know this is true, and we know because we have just been told how bad it is, do we still smell or taste it?

Why can you find a song ok when it first comes out for about a week, hate it when the radio wears it out for the next year and then ten years later remember it only fondly and sing along when hearing it again.

By the way, if you haven't watched any of Legend of the Seeker it is an awesome fantasy show and boy are the main couple attractive. So now I am going to re-watch last weeks in anticipation for this weeks episode. Yummy, I get to drool over Craig Horner and Bridgett Regan and cheer for them to kiss. By the way, Mother Confessor, I miss your white dress, please go back to it soon. I heard this show is being canceled and that sucks because there is nothing out there like it. Anyway, I am off to watch that and the SVU marathon.

sadness

I just found out that my mother-in-law might have cancer. She has multiple tumors in her pancreas and liver. I don't know what to do to help my husband deal. Jason avoids everything. How can I get him to talk about it or should I just leave him alone and let him process? I just want to help. I don't like not being able to fix things. I am a fixer always. I am completely uncomfortable when there is nothing I can do. Okay, I am babbling right now. I am just freaking out.

New to this

I have always wanted to blog and used to use Myspace but am never on it anymore. I tend to give up on things but I will try hard not to do this. I am going to vow to myself that I will blog everyday for one year and hope that that takes care of that issue.

Hi! My name is MJ. I am 34 years old. I live in Charlotte, NC Got married for the second time on April 18, 2009 and am very happy for it. My first husband was a good man or a total jerk depending on what day I am talking. But hey, we all reserve the right to change our minds...often...right? My second husband Jason is a dream. I never imagined that I would get a man like this.

I am obese and want to lose weight but at the same time, I love food. I love all kinds of food and I don't want to give that up. Anyway, moving on. I love books, movies and TV except for horror. I think that is because I completely immerse myself in the world of the story and become a character in my own mind. I write books though I never try to get the finished ones published. My favorite authors are Catherine Coulter, Dean Koontz, Kay Hooper and JK Rowling. My favorite movies are The Stand, Stand by Me, The Princess Bride, Big Eden, Mrs. Winterborne the list goes on and one. My favorite tv shows are SVU, Lie to Me, Bones, Buffy, Roswell again the list goes on and on.

I am intensely loyal and would do anything for my friends but I am also an introvert. I can play extrovert for awhile but it takes a good bit out of me. What else? Hmm... I am adopted and would love to find my birth family but can't without paying and I don't have that kind of money. I am a college student and haven't a clue what to do with my life. I love all things Scottish and study Scotland's history for fun. Well that's enough background for now.

Jason and I came down to the beach to enjoy a vacation and spend some alone time together. We get here and my Aunt is here for one day. She and I truly don't get along. She is one of those people who I just find fake. If she had an actual emotion I think she would freak out. So we had to deal with her for a day and then I got the flu. So I have spent the entire week dealing with a bad fever and horrendous cough. Sexy, huh? Now, we leave tomorrow and today I am finally feeling better. A wasted vacation and school kicks back into full gear tomorrow. Ah well, guess I should be out enjoying this instead of sitting here posting. :) Nice to meet you all.